Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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