You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
