He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
