There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
