Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
