where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Success! We fucked roommates!
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