I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
