I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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