This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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