Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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