Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
