you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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