i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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