if i died would you start the facebook group?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
