New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
