they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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