I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
