we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
