just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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