You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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