Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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