wanna go halves on a baby?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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