Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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