Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
