I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
