I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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