there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
