i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
