Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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