She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
FUCK WHALES
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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