Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
