the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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