I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
