I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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