Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
