there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
