I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
