I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
