I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
