I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
