So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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