You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
smell my finger.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
