i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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