The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
