very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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