i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
