i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just googled if crying burns calories
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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