If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
