I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
