I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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